Dear Diary:
 
 May 30th: My husband and I just moved to Texas from up North. Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home.. I love it here.
 
 June 10th: It’s really heating up. Got to 100 today! Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.
 
 June 14th: Had the backyard landscaped with southern plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for us! Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
 
 June 30th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat and humidity is taking longer than I expected.
 
 July 10th: Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ole' sun in a climate like this.
 
 July 15th: I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Morgan had died and was swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.
 
 July 20th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the A/C repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts!
 
 July 21st: Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?
 
 July 22nd: It's 105 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today... It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85, but this humidity makes the house feel like it's about 95. Dumb repairman peed in my pool. I hate this stupid state!
 
 July 23rd: If another wiseass cracks "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to strangle him. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
 
 July 24th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts and sat on the black leather seats in the car. I lost two layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.
 
 July 25th: The weather report might as well be a recording: Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for two months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. How can it WARM UP when it’s already 1000 freakin’ degrees? Doesn't it ever rain in this desert?? Water rationing will be next, so I might as well watch $1700 worth of cactus just dry up and blow into the pool! Even the cactus can't live in this heat!
 
 July 26th: Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 105 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" 
 
 My husband had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail.
 

Dang South! WHAT KIND OF A SICK DEMENTED PERSON WOULD WANT TO LIVE HERE!?!??!!