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These are the People in your Raid *COPIED*

Dragon's picture

Dragon — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 08:39

**NOTE: This isn't by me, just thought i'd share a great read. This is by Perl, from Terokkar**
(and I took it from Dtpwn on the Uldaman Forums)

The Raid-

You raid with these people. You work with these people. These people are closer than your family. You should worry.

The GM- He’s sacrificed his health, friends, and probably a couple
of jobs to drag you through new content. When the guild isn’t
performing, these decisions are in question. Prone to shooting sprees,
forum flame wars, and the rapid advancement/gearing of whatever toon
the guild “needs”. If you can keep your mouth shut, he’ll go emo and
quit before you get gkicked. Still, you do like the guy. Or did. Before
he went crazy. See drunks, below.

The GM's Significant Other- Okay, so he was going to have to quit
but he tricked his SO into playing. She loves it. She's terrible.
You'll effectively 24 man every boss. Count on 4 constructs in the
raid, every attempt. She plays a Belf.

The Raid Leader- When you stand in the flames, he dies a little bit inside.

The Heir Apparent- When the GM goes psycho, ninjas the bank, and
gdisbands, you're the guy the guild is gonna look to to to fix the
mess. You see it coming. You can't decide if ritual suicide or being
the new gm would be more painful.

The Positive Officer- “That was great. Just great. You know, only
5% of guilds have even made it to Supremus, and getting him down to 67%
on the second attempt is hawt.” See Stoners, below.

The Negative Officer- “Jesus Christ why are there corpses under all
these goddamn volcanoes? It’s Supremus for %@*@s’s sake. GET OUT OF THE
GODDAMN FLAME!” See Drunks, below.

The Healing Officer- Has this job because, as the newest officer who plays a healer, he’s stuck with it.

The Hunter Class Lead- Will tell you that it does actually require
skill and preparation to play a hunter well in the end game. Lies
frequently.

Metermaid- He's got meters running. Always. Asks for meter postage
whenever he's in the top 5, which is rare, as his focus on the meters
is preventing him from seeing the volcano he's pathing towards. Pulls
aggro. Has yet to realize that 0 health returns 0 dps. If he's healing,
you might as well just put him on raid, he's gonna heal them anyway.

Stratman- Has read every strategy on the entire internet for every
boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by
the officers. Likely to play a hunter or mage. If this is also Chick
With Accent, below, guild will probably collapse.

The Gay Guy- Affects the gay accent for effect. Upgrade decisions
tend to involve lengthy discussions about gear appearance. Learned to
use the dressing room function before the ‘v’key.

The Stay At Home Mom- She’s around children all day and craves
adult conversation. Babbles incessantly in vent, forgetting that adult
conversation doesn’t usually begin with, “So I was talking to (insert
name of four-year-old child) and he says…” Well liked, but frequently
muted.

Mr. Mikeless- Has a microphone. Hears the conversation and
directions. Once wiped the raid because he started talking and most
folks alt-tabbed to see who the hell was speaking. May be your best
player.

The Kid- So, you messed up on this guy’s interview and nobody
noticed that he was 12. But, he can play. And if he gets a little bit
excited when boobies are getting talked about? Hey, he’s young.

The Backbone- Plays a tank. Doesn't have much to say. Made an error
once in SSC, or so you heard. Will disconnect when Gorefiend is at 30%
and keep aggro while offline for the rest of the fight. Has never said
anything negative to the healers. Ever. GL with your progression
without one of these. Hates the prima donnas.

The Other kid- Remember that accountant you interviewed for the
fury warrior position? And how you wondered how he’d make time to raid
during tax season? He couldn’t. His eleven year old daughter took over
about that time. She’s been raiding since. Mages, that’s an eleven
year-old girl owning you night after night.

The Hunter Who Doesn't Do His Homework- Always good for insightful
commentary and clever observation just after a wipe. "Holy Crap Man! I
was just standing and shooting and this damn VOLCANO popped on me! When
did they put in those volcanoes?"

The Prophet- Kept insisting that you were going to need a melee
group for BT, despite the fact hat melee was dreadful for SSC/BT.
Badgered the management until they broke. Plays a rogue. Shreds. Loved
by the Most Devout.

The Most Devout- This is the guy who gets to play an off-spec in a
big-boy raid. He's the fury warrior or the enhance shammy. He cannot
believe that some fate is letting him have this much fun that he's
afraid it will all come crashing down. Prays devoutly to his favorite
diety that the guild won't collapse because he'll never have THIS much
fun again. Ever.

The Drunks- The core of your guild. As raid progresses,
their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You
don’t notice because you’re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output
seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.

The Stoners- Quietly wiping raids since the beta. They really,
really, really hate having to move out of the fire. Two of them are
dead under the volcanoes. They live in fear of the negative officer.
They have their own channel. Try /join (insertguildname)stoners. You’ll
see who’s in there. It’ll explain a lot. Still, if these guys don't
show, bosses don't seem to actually die. They’re also having more fun
that everyone else combined.

The Prima Donna- Requires special attention from management.
Constantly whining. Plays some vital role. Might be a main tank, mage
tank, or lock tank. The officers really hate this guy and as soon as
they can find another tank with 24,000 buffed HP, he’s out. Not a
stoner.

The Chick with the Accent- Is the accent fake? Nobody knows or
cares. Future visits to Australia/Britian/New Zealand/Alabama are now
planned by all single raid members.

The Healing Pallie- Hates healing and had to go holy to see
endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, or
any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a 10 minute blessing. Forget
it. He hates you. God help you if he has a raid-viable alt in one of
those classes; you're not even getting heals. Also, see Prima Donna.

The Departed Legend- You joined after he left. You suspect that he
could not actually solo Doomwalker. But you're not totally sure.

The Disgruntled Raider- Took an unannounced, extended vacation and
now has to share his raid spot with the other 11 extra dps. Very angry
about this situation. Doesn't realize that ##@#*ing is making things
worse. Officers pray for a gquit.

The Warlock Whisperer- Directionally challenged. Despite having run
Karazhan 1.26 million times, will require a summon to Maiden's room
from the entrance. Has a "summon pls" macro. Strangely, is good at
moving away from volcanoes. See (you guessed it) Stoners.

The New Guy- Begins most sentences with, "That's not how we did it
in my old guild on Korgath." Likely to remain guilded for approximately
one week. You wonder if he'll be tellign his next guild, "In my old
guild, we ran TOWARDS the volcanoes.

Note: I read a similar archetype post couple years ago, when I
first started raiding. I t altered the way I viewed raiding forever
after and I've tended to think of my guildies along these terms since.
If anyone still has the original piece, please post it. Below is the
only person really remember from that post. I'm pretty sure there's
something funny about accents in the original, also.

The Backup-He's the guy waiting in the wings for the raid slot.
Totally dependable and plays about 200% better than the guy for whom
he's filling in. He's got half the gear and puts out 20% more dps.
Totally cool, amazingly competent. You love it when the main can't be
there.

The best from other people:

The Buff-less Wonder - Plays a class with group buffs, but
"forgets" to bring the necessary reagents. Highly skilled at turning a
deaf ear and blind eye to buff assignments. If reminded, will proceed
to slowly buff people one by one until someone else is overwhelmed by
frustration and does it for them. (Kantor, Scarlet Crusade)

Mr. Pick Me! Pick Me!- This guy is online and ready to raid.
Always. Need a prot warrior? He's got one. A holy pallie? Check.
Problem is, he's really bad. Like bad bad. You keep him in the guild
because he's... well, he's always been in the guild. So when your main
tank, back up tank, and back up back up tank have vanished Mr. Pick is
ready to rock, much to everyone else's horror. (Gaucho, Twisting
Nether)

Tootsie - Has a female toon. Claims to be female. Receives many of
the benefits that the other females do, people are nice to her; she
gets suspiciously good loot. Problem is, she's never posted a picture
of herself, and she never talks on Vent. Could she really be a girl?
Sure. But who's to know? (Jayne, Mug'thol)

The Dumbest Person On The Planet: No one's quite sure exactly
what's wrong with this guy, perhaps human evolution really has come to
a standstill. Will be the cause of 60% of your wipes until he gets a
/gkick. Tell him to spread out and he'll glue himself to a squishy
healer. Tell him to avoid something and he'll stand in it till dead,
then complain that he didn't get any heals. Ask him to CC the yellow
star and he'll pick the orange circle then claim bleeding wounds debuff
on his target. (Zanadune, Vek'nilash)

The Obvious Explainer - This guy has read Wowwiki and probably
written some of it. He will stop the raid for 15 minutes before each
fight to explain to all the new people (of which there are none) that
this guy might produce ground fire once in a while or that the hunter
adds might shoot arrows.

Pointdexter - He has the game down to a science. He may
be a 40-year-old accountant with the free time of a 15-year-old
student, or a 15-year-old student with the focus of a 40-year-old
accountant. Drools over spreadsheets, calculates the group's overall
DPS and efficiency and how it can be improved down to the smallest stat
bonus. Spends his days on WorldofRaids and the Elitist Jerks forums
looking at all the numbercrunching and posts everything on your own
guild forums. Certainly an asset to the raid, but damn he needs a
hobby. 
(Hald, Uldaman)

This provided a good laugh (ok ok, a lotta good laughs) back when i read it. So I figured I would post it here.

The link to the post I originally found it on is http://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.html?topicId=4665391437&sid=1&p...

‹ A quick update from KarliI hate technology ›
  • Everything Else

Also Keis I DCed on Vashj

TK28 — Sat, 04/12/2008 - 14:49

Also Keis I DCed on Vashj when we one pulled her on our 2nd week killing her.

Also The Departed Legend:

TK28 — Sat, 04/12/2008 - 14:46

Also The Departed Legend: Infantryman,aku,darksight

Totally fuckin true about

Keisjaa — Sat, 04/12/2008 - 14:43

Totally fuckin true about the DC & hold aggro part tho..Frightening(and I think it was Anetheron ...and tidewalker ...and Void Reaver)

The Backbone- Plays a tank.

TK28 — Sat, 04/12/2008 - 14:39

The Backbone- Plays a tank. Doesn't have much to say. Made an error
once in SSC, or so you heard. Will disconnect when Gorefiend is at 30%
and keep aggro while offline for the rest of the fight. Has never said
anything negative to the healers. Ever. GL with your progression
without one of these. Hates the prima donnas.

 

I call dibs on this one but yes I have gotten upset when I had no heals for over 10secs only because I know everyone of our healers are better then that.

Cisper's picture

(No subject)

Cisper — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 21:45

Yell

Vulk's picture

The Healing Pallie- Hates

Vulk — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 17:49

The Healing Pallie- Hates healing and had to go holy to see
endgame.
- Thats me!

OMG this is epic!

"We cannot direct the winds, but we can adjust our sails."
Check out my videos at http://hosted.filefront.com/Vulkofgorg

Saja's picture

The GM's Significant

Saja — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 16:04

The GM's Significant Other:
Started the game cos she was jealous and whaddya know... she loves the game, just doesn't have time to play all that much. She plays a totally hot little priest with ringlets!

 

and I'm only terrible on my hunter...

Gares of War's picture

There should be a whiners

Gares of War — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 15:53

There should be a whiners category for those with high levels of poopy pants.

imo

starstalker's picture

  I think anyone who

starstalker — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 15:35

 
I think anyone who repeatedly queries BoP items in green chat qualifies for dumbest person on the planet. 

 

imo.

 

/flings poop at Garreth

Gares of War's picture

The Dumbest Person On The

Gares of War — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 15:14

The Dumbest Person On The Planet

 I know someone who fits this,

 mmmhmmm these retard sandiwches on the grassy gnoll ARE delicious

Gares of War's picture

Hmmm well . . .yes

Gares of War — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 15:12

Hmmm well . . .yes

Desteran's picture

The Loudmouth - This person

Desteran — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 14:56

The Loudmouth - This person has awful feed back in vent. When they
speak, it is so loud you hope their neighbors aren't home. Not
to mention their mic volume is turned to the max. This person often
sits in silence for long periods of time only to burst out with
something totally off-topic at an inopportune time often causing wipes
and and blood to trickle from broken ear drums.

garreth's picture

See: Ewiges, Grasen, Gares

garreth — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 14:58

See: Ewiges, Grasen, Gares occasionally, Jasmynn

mav's picture

Hehe it's like I am similar

mav — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 14:51

Hehe it's like I am similar to some of these but I don't know my exact category. I might be The Kid... >_> 

WARNING: This post will probably contribute absolutely nothing to the conversation, it will only waste a few seconds of your life. Mavandon's shenanigans should not be taken by children 10 and under or adults over the age of 70.

Must be a teacher thing Shi,

Keisjaa — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 14:50

Must be a teacher thing Shi, Glowy has her "teacher voice", Atar has the "sigh of a thousand crushed dreams"

I am going to have

Expendable (not verified) — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 14:40

I am going to have to supplement the list with

 Suicide bomber:  This is the person who thinks pulling Mag from the entrance of MC is a cool thing to do.  These people often agro rooms and not single mobs.  Often times these are paladins and are only kept around because they pulled the room and no one died while having the most fun you have ever had in a raid. 

Shihli's picture

The worst feeling in the

Shihli — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 14:39

The worst feeling in the world is the deep, soul-wrenching SIGH that Atar makes when something goes south.

It's like ... a 2% wipe on some boss, let's call it Leo, and you hear this

*SIGH*

Over vent ... and I feel like I've let him down :(

Which one(s) am I?  I am

Ardea — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 14:37

Which one(s) am I?

 I am leaning towrads "The Warlock Whisperer- Directionally challenged" and "Pick me (on my alt)!" =p

pulga's picture

I'm Mr Mikeless, minus the

pulga — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 14:16

I'm Mr Mikeless, minus the best player part.

Derchlon's picture

"The Raid Leader- When you

Derchlon — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 13:26

"The Raid Leader- When you stand in the flames, he dies a little bit inside."

I read that, and my first thoughts were "cat herding" and "Shihli."  I think the raid leaders know what I mean.

starstalker's picture

No, shawdog is the guy

starstalker — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 11:45

No, shawdog is the guy always shouting RAWR or "dude, I'm sooo stoned" in gchat. Makafis at least says something intelligible 

/flings poop at Garreth

Pettingzoo's picture

Everytime they put a quote

Pettingzoo — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 11:47

Everytime they put a quote in, I could hear a member of LF1M talking. Good stuff

Shihli's picture

No, trust me.  "Pick me!"

Shihli — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 11:08

No, trust me.  "Pick me!" guy is Makafis and Shawdogg, EASILY.

/mutters something about people who can never seem to stop talking

Desteran's picture

Fuck...I think I'm the "pick

Desteran — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 11:01

Fuck...I think I'm the "pick me" guy....I promise I'm not that bad though :-P

Atar's picture

Mr. Mikeless totally goes to

Atar — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 10:55

Mr. Mikeless totally goes to Watches.  Doesn't say a fucking word and blows shit up.

Shihli's picture

Other

Shihli — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 10:54

Other legends:

Beezal
Hexious
Hanunim

garreth's picture

The Departed Legend -

garreth — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 10:51

The Departed Legend - Primistic, Elaya, Badkitty,

garreth's picture

The Backbone - Pk, Mnor,

garreth — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 10:48

The Backbone - Pk, Mnor, Nuit.

garreth's picture

The Most Devout : Kybosh,

garreth — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 10:47

The Most Devout : Kybosh, Turth, Dragon/Hbk

Aidin's picture

You can chalk me up

Aidin — Fri, 04/11/2008 - 10:38

You can chalk me up to:

 

The Positive Officer
The Healing Officer
The Stay At Home Mom (slightly changed to just: The Mom)
The Stoners

 

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